onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
