haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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