bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
