How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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