I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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