I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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