Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
