TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
