With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
