You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mom said you looked used
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
