can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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