Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
