I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
