I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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