Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
