We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
