you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
