Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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