Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
