Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
