Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
