Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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