but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
