I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
