He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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