I just pynch a tree in the face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
is it fun? or sober?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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