do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
