question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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