Non-Jews are for practice
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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