Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
