just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
