3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
