I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
