I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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