I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
