She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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