I like to think it a success when the cops are called
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
