I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
