I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
