I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
