Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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