i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
