90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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