Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
