i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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