Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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