a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
