"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
