If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
