Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
