i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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