these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
