ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Randomize
