Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
