I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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