Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
