somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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