you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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