Define "chronic" masturbator.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
