i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Houston, we have a squirter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
