His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
