Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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