If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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