saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
