i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
