i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
