I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
