based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
