I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
