i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
