Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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